Yu-Gi-Oh! :: Yami Yugi Moves Out!, Ch 5

Yami Yugi Moves Out!
Chapter Five

September 8:

Edith's one and only relative came over today. Is Saturday, so I had no classes and chose to sit around and eat applesauce. A fairly interesting show comes on in the mid-mornings, called 'Perry Mason'. Find it strangely addicting, as do Edith and her groupies, only they call Perry Mason "Raymond" or "doll face". Very strange.

Anyway, back to Edith's sole surviving family member. He is her 30 year old great-nephew. He's also convinced he is Napoleon (apparently Napoleon was some sort of war hero or conqueror. All I know is I was better.)

Edith plays along for his sake, but filled me in on the 'he pretends to be a long-dead Frenchman' deal after she sent him out to dig trenches. Found this unsettling; could he be like me? Is he in fact a spirit sealed away, trying to make his way in a modern world?

The answer is...no. He's just batty. But now that I know this, I can deal with it and not worry that he will try to kill me like Malik, and Bakura, and just about everyone else I know has.

Apparently Ted/Napoleon comes to visit her often. Was not counting on having visitors in my new apartment, but suppose I will cope with it somehow.

On a side note, have discovered my friend Edith is a "player" as Joey puts it. Every other week she has a new boyfriend. I find this odd; she seems less than interested in romance, unless it is with Perry Mason. And she is not consistent with her 'type' of man. Some of them are angry old badgers, but some are so nice they border on wimpy.

And then again, some are almost catatonic and could do what Ryou does and make a fortune by renting out the vacancy in their heads.

I wasn't about to say I didn't like her new man, even though I detest him. Instead I asked, "What happened to Bill?" (Bill was one very nice man I happened to like, as he played cards, and played them well.)

"Bill? The nice elderly chap with the brown cap?" I nodded. "Oh, he's dead." Take a moment to digest this...he's dead? Realize that they're mortal, but Bill seemed sturdy enough to me. He didn’t trip on the way to the bathroom and his hands didn’t shake or anything. Expected he would last at least a few more years.

"He's what?"

She gave me a funny look. "Dead...haven't you ever lost someone? A cat, perhaps?"

"I know what death is! But...."

She smiled slightly and opened the fridge. "Well, everyone has their time, Yami. Is this your orange juice or mine?"

Find her total lack of sadness both admirable and a little frightening. Maybe she knows something I don't about this 'Bill is dead' situation.

Well, Perry Mason is on. Can't write. Must watch.


September 13

Is Friday. I enjoy Fridays immensely. It is my official 'Test Day', and I often get asked out in discreet and not-so-discreet ways by some students, which is amusing. Have had to copy school's rules regarding the student/professor relationships, and enlarge it so that each letter is three feet tall. Then placed this all over the classroom. I’ve begun to suspect some of my students cannot read; will dock them 30 points off of test for suspected cheating.

Students have given me a nickname, it seems. "Professor James Bond". Asked Yugi about this and learned it is because of my constant tuxedo-wearing. Asked if I should go back to my brown suit, and received very hasty and desperate compliments of my current appearance. Also pleas not to wear 'vintage' ever again.

Did I mention that Yugi and I speak every day on the phone? He is doing well. I think. Doubt he would tell me if he is failing classes, me being a professor and all. Anyway, he has decided to get me a cell phone so we can chat anywhere, anytime.

Am worried about this; I saw the commercials, and certainly do not want some guy coming around trying to make me drop a pin, or asking me if I can "hear him now", or any such crap.

By the way, Ruth does not trust cell phones, car phones, or pay phones. Makes me feel smug; I am long past the fear of modern machinery.

Except for tanks. Find those strangely intimidating, but as they exist only in TV world, I don't lose any sleep over them.

...A student just left an apple on my desk. What was his name? Renfield. Rupert Renfield or something. Ah, I remember him now. He is the only student in second hour class who does better than 60% on most tests.

Second hour is either very honest or very stupid. Will have to up their work load until they match my other classes.

...Is boring waiting for students to finish tests. Have called Edith at home, but got her great-nephew instead. He told me in some strange almost-accent he was busy and then hung up.

Napoleon is very busy of late digging trenches. Wonder just where he is digging? Doubt that it would be acceptable at the apartment complex. Have decided to spend a day following him around. Will begin immediately to alleviate boredom.


A few hours later:

Have begun my mission. So far, Napoleon has entered the apartment and accepted what he believes is wine from Edith. Edith hates grapes, and so the chances of Napoleon ever really having tasted wine is highly unlikely. Instead she gives him water, but he is content to believe what he will.

Then Edith asked, "Yami, are you all right? Why are you dressed all in black?"

Napoleon demanded, "Explain your manner of dress, Soldier! What are you doing out of uniform?"

Both got the same response. "My dog died. I am in mourning." Will note that at this point, Napoleon offered to dig a trench for me (!!!) Am beginning to really wonder about these 'trenches'.

After the wine break, Napoleon set out. I made a flimsy excuse and went out shortly after him. He trotted down the hall like he was riding a horse; miming as if he were holding the reigns and everything.
Followed him several blocks away to an abandoned warehouse. It was strangely void of any hoodlums' graffiti; wonder if Napoleon is more capable of self defense than he looks. The floor inside was packed dirt with piles of broken concrete everywhere. Spotted a jack hammer and solved that mystery. Napoleon took out a shovel and dug a nice deep hole, probably six feet long and four feet deep. Then he left.

Am now suspecting some amusing, possibly illegal scenarios for my roomy and her nephew. Possibly this scheme goes deeper than I think; could it be that Judy and Ruth, maybe even more, know about whatever Napoleon is up to?

Will have to pry it out of them tonight during poker.


September 14

Saturday. Laundry/grocery day is more like it. Who invented weekends? Why couldn't they just assign us each a maid to do the boring things I would rather not waste valuable time on? Really miss being Pharaoh.
Am at 'Sudsy Laundromat' waiting for clothes to wash. Would have read a magazine, except all the magazines here have names like 'Playground Safety' or 'Expectant Mother'. And the ones I would consider look suspiciously sticky; will not fall victim to the "drop soda so Yami gets disgusted" ploy again.

Had trouble with the first machine. Determined it was broken and had to find another one, but all were taken up, so dumped someone else's clothes in the broken machine. Now have to keep an eye out for the returning anonymous volunteer. Will record how my poker/information gambling went last night while I wait, so as not to look jumpy and suspicious.

I was the dealer, since my hands are arthritis-free. "How long have you known Napoleon, Judy?"

Judy is deaf in her left ear. Couldn't remember if it was left or right, so spoke a bit loudly into the good ear. Judy is nice and acted normal. "Oh, twenty years or so."

"What about you, Ruth?"

Big Grandma looked up. Noted she was wearing the black choker Yugi gave her; is proof that he has accepted her as a worthy opponent. Even Tea hasn't received one yet. "Since he was six. He was a small fry then! Oh, I even remember the accident that made him start this Napoleon business."

This was interesting, and sidetracked me for a bit. Turns out he was attacked by a rabid donkey. Not sure that qualifies as an accident, but back to the subject. Unfortunately, by the 'Who Knows Napoleon' question, they're all possibly culprits.

I casually dealt out new hands. "Who are you all dating nowadays?"

They all giggled. Found this suspicious. They are making me into a paranoid, senile Pharaoh.

"I don't date anymore," Laura said. "I'm way too old for that! And my children, bless their souls, they just wouldn't understand if I went to the 'Home' and picked up a new man."

Edith laughed. "You don't need to go to the Home, Laura. The line at the prescription counter is where I found Bob and Tom and George."

"Oh, but you've got a much keener eye for the right ones than I do!" Laura said.

Keener Eye. Right Ones. Trenches. Hmmm.....

Gotta run. The Washing Machine guy has returned; have to distract him, stuff my clothes into a dryer, and return his clothes to their rightful place.



back to Chapter Four

on to Chapter Six